is G.O.N.E.

i have no energy for much, not even swimming..

today is the fourth day.

my grandfather passed away monday morning.
i've been floating, day to day, minute to minute,
backandfourthandbackandfourthandbackandf ourth
between smiles and tears, acceptance and fears...

it's been a rough week,
and now i've got homework and gifted FOOD up to my ears,
and i'm missing those overcast eyes..

so needless to say, i've been inactive up here, my oh my,
i have seventy-two messages in my inbox,
that number is five years away from his death day-year..
he was seventy seven, and today i watched a mother burry her only son.
she's ninety-seven years old, with four grandchildren and seven greatgrandchildren,
and thirty teary eyes crying right behind her, and all she asked all day was
'why not me, valentine, val, my only son, you tell god to take me as soon as you see him, you tell him that i don't want to live, you tell him, yes, yes, yes, that i will be there soon..' major depressor.

i've developed a lust for numbers, and bananas.
i think it's because they are important to everything that has happened;
times. it is eight-forty five pm, and i'm wearing my scarf like a mourning.. black black and black... and yellow.

it will all make sense in the end.

[wind in the trees
tossing the leaves;
autumn salad]

good things come in threes, not four sylable sentences...